There are 30 “one another” verses in the Bible’s New Testament: love one another, honor one another, serve one another, spur one another on to good deeds, live in harmony with one another, bear one another’s burdens, submit to one another, pray for one another…
If we are going to be great at anything, let’s be great at loving God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength; love our neighbor as ourselves.
What does that look like? What does that even mean? I think these “one another” verses are a way for us to think about what it means to love our neighbor as ourselves.
The University of Nebraska did a study on 17,000 families in 27 different countries and it found that in healthy families, the ratio of positive to negative interaction was 10 to 1. And in some instances, it was 20 to 1. So for every comment about the meal that you don’t necessarily like or a chore that was left undone or an attitude that needs changing, there were 10 compliments for every one of those negative assessments. I find that fascinating. It doesn’t matter whether it is a church culture or the atmosphere of your family or even a work place; positivity is so critical and so biblical.
We are not called to tear each other down. We are called to build each other up. Criticism is not a spiritual gift! There are some things we can put into practice that will make a radical difference in the way we encourage and build up.
Catch people doing things right! Most of us are pretty good at catching people doing things wrong. It is so easy to catch people doing things wrong. But catching people doing things right, that takes a little bit of focus and a little bit of effort.
Your focus determines your reality. Focus on some of the positives in other people and your perspective will change. I think the flip side is true as well. I think there are two kinds of people in the world. People that, no matter how good things are, they will find something bad. And those people that no matter how bad things are, they will find something good. I know we have different personalities and some of us have that gift of encouragement. But there is still a baseline of obedience. All of us are called to encourage one another and I think it starts by catching people doing things right.
Break the habit of criticizing and build the habit of complimenting. You’ve got to make it a habit to notice when your spouse or your kids or your colleagues do something that you appreciate. Then you say thank you. You write a note. I have a file in my office filled with thank you notes. I have the hardest time throwing away a note that says thank you. I hang onto those. I think it was Mark Twain who said, ‘I can live two months on one good compliment.’.
This is about living our lives in a way that Jesus modeled. The people that were so criticized and ostracized in that culture, people that had probably gone months, maybe years, without someone saying a kind word, an encouraging word, we are talking about tax collectors and prostitutes. The ones that the Pharisees would level their criticism and accusations at, what did Jesus do? He caught them doing things right. So this prostitute comes and anoints Jesus feet, at a party at a Pharisees house… Jesus said, ‘What you’ve done will be spoken of you forever.’ Jesus found something to compliment. .
That can make a huge difference and that brings us to number two –Compliment like crazy! It has to be a genuine compliment, but you need to pay those compliments.
If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all. In other words, don’t let words come out of your mouth that are going to turn someone else’s stomach. Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.
Let’s be very careful about not poisoning other people with our words. Compliment people behind their backs. If you wouldn’t say it to their face, don’t say it behind their back! I want to be talking behind people’s backs all the time complimenting them.
If you have a problem with someone, pray for them. When someone has done something or said something that hurts me, the only thing I know to do to keep my heart in the right place is to pray for them. Somehow, when I begin to pray for them, it changes my heart towards that person.
Look in the mirror first. Let’s not criticize in others what we don’t like about ourselves. Before you point out the speck in another person’s eye, let’s pull the plank out of your own eye.
It doesn’t take something big, it takes something small. I hope that is an encouragement to you. You don’t have to change the world but you can make a difference in one person’s life.
Let’s not worry about what we can’t do and let’s do what we can.
Encourage one another daily!
Don’t let a day go by that you don’t pay a genuine compliment, that you don’t encourage someone in your life. If you get in the habit of doing that, it will change their life and it will change your life.
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