When I coach men through their pain to a rebound, I talk a lot about their environment. In order to sustain change, you’ve got to pay attention to where you are and who you’re with.
For example, the environment I was in as a kid was horrible! I’m not blaming my parents or anyone else. They were doing the best they could. But here’s what that environment looked like: too much tv, loads of Little Debbie snack cakes, little positive interaction with my parents (they had to work too much), not enough exercise…
You get it. You can see where this goes. I had built poor habits based on my environment. Without positive influence from the outside, I didn’t desire or seek change. So I was a fat kid, who watched too much tv and got very little exercise or social interaction. My environment produced certain outcomes.
Fortunately, I had an intervention! This intervention came when, as a teenager, I lived away from home for a summer. I was with a family who was literally the exact opposite of the environment I was used to. They interacted well, ate right, exercised in the yard as a family, and had this different quality of life. This changed everything for me. I had tools and a place to practice new habits. I wanted to be like them. The new environment taught me new skills and supported my new desires.
For many men, the best success comes with a new environment. It’s challenging because we’re built to dislike change. We enjoy comfort. And we get used to people and places even when they’re not healthy for us.
In Atomic Habits, James Clear puts it like this: “Your habits change depending on the room you are in and the cues in front of you.” What perfect insight.
When you recognize the change you need and want, position yourself around new people and places that will support you. This sounds simple but takes energy.
If your rebound includes less alcohol, the painful steps you may need to take is skipping happy hour with your friends or finding a new hobby when your buddies just want to drink all weekend.
Maybe your rebound involves a serious relationship. Your wife is feeling isolated and ignored. You’re sexually frustrated. How would a positive change of environment which produces new habits and romance help? Maybe an intentionally planned weekend away for the two of you? Or some counseling that helps you create a passionate home environment where you fall in love again.
Goals —> Environment —> Habits —> Sustainable Action
I want to challenge you: get clear on what you want. Then examine your environment. Ask yourself if the people you’re around or the places you’re in are reinforcing you or sidetracking you. Make the necessary adaptions so that new, helpful habits are being produced. The right places and people will lead to sustainable actions.
Is this helpful? Share a comment.
Do you need some help making this happen in your life? Send me a message and we’ll get on a call.